Telling On Myself

I have always wanted to write a book that I would call “My Divine Life”. It would be filled with many stories of times that divine synchronicities have occurred that have saved my bacon/given me just what I asked for/opened up just the right circumstance etc.

Well, I just had another one of those Divine blessing events but not before I nearly blew it big time, as I too often do.

I’ve decided to have Telling On Myself be one of my featured topics on this blog because I hope to save you some of the angst that I encounter when I don’t practice what I preach.

This time, the situation had its origin in my efforts to find the ideal place to move to. I did all the right things initially: I announced my intention to the Universe, I wrote down what I wanted, I visualized it every day. I read my requested features out loud each day and felt how wonderful it would be to live in that kind of place, then I did the footwork of putting my request on Craigslist. Everything seemed to be in perfect alignment for a successful outcome.

The glitch came in where it so often does for me -divine timing. That’s code for “it never comes when you want it too”, it comes after you have sprouted 5 new gray hairs, sacrificed sleepless nights and raised your blood pressure to a number that makes your doctor go ashen.

For me, the melt down came as the 15th of the month passed (I had given my notice on the 1st.)  You got it…I’m down to 15 days and no home in site. My calm and my ‘tools’ went flying out the window at the speed of light. I began spending hours on Craigslist, I drove the streets and called people until it was all a dismal blur. I looked at place after wrong place after wrong place. It was becoming a nightmare when I finally found something that I liked well enough and decided to ‘settle’ for it.

I was in the midst of convincing myself that it was the right place when the words of my spiritual guru Texas Ted Shaw came to me. “So girl, let me see if I’ve got this straight, you’re telling me that you don’t trust the Universe to bring you exactly what you want, to bring you everything on your wish list.”

“What do you mean?” I retorted.

“Well it sounds like the place you’re describing isn’t all of the important things you wanted in your new home.”

I paused and pondered, hating the fact that once again, he was hitting the ‘not so sweet spot’.  “Well, yes, I guess you’re right. Maybe I want too much. I haven’t seen anything even close and I’m running out of time.”

Of course,  he said what I knew he’d say, “You still have two weeks. It can all change in a day.” I groaned knowing that this was the kind of thing that I would be saying to a client or a good friend but now it was me and my sweet patootie that would be out on the street pushing a shopping cart with all my earthly possessions in it.

How was I supposed to have faith when all my efforts hadn’t turned up anything even close to my “dream place?” I mean throw me a bone Universe! Give me at least a little hope. As I look back now in retrospect, all of the places I had considered weren’t even close. I should have just calmly realized that they weren’t right and said, “Well this isn’t it, that perfect place must still be out there.”  Right! It’s always so easy to come up with those wise little sayings when you are looking in the rear view mirror.

But what was I doing instead of being trusting and ‘Zen like’? I was panicking, loosing sleep, lying to myself and denying my true feelings. Dear Lord, could I have been doing more things wrong energetically! It’s just plain embarrassing when your human part so outweighs your spiritual part. As I said, I have no defense except to say that I was a human being caught in human circumstances and at least I am having the courage to tell on myself and possibly spare you.

I have been taught that a good blog shouldn’t be too long I am going to pause here and tell the exciting, miraculous conclusion of my story in the next post. Stay tuned, it will be up by next Sunday.

Here’s to being human and definitely imperfect,


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