What If Don Draper had EFT?

Did you watch Mad Men last night? I did.

As I’m sure is true for many of you, I’m a big fan of the show. It might be the fact that I grew up in the 1960’s and that the hair, clothes, furniture and music create a huge amount of nostalgia for me. Or it could be that it is a very well written show with a strangely intriguing hero.

Jon Hamm’s character of Donald Draper is one of the more fascinating male protagonists on television these days and I believe much of his intrigue lies in his imperfections. For those of you who are not familiar with the show, I don’t want to provide any spoilers, so if you haven’t watched Mad Men and you intend to, perhaps come back to this article later on.

Little background info or reminder if it’s been awhile since you got caught up. The character of Don Draper was born Dick Whitman, and was abused by a family member as a little boy. When he went off to fight in Korea, he was attacked along with another solider whose name was Don. When Dick survived the attack, he stole Don’s dog tags and assumed the identity of his comrade in arms. He went to start his life anew as Don Draper, but as a war veteran with PTSD, his new life was always fraught with the ghosts of his past.

When the show began we were introduced to Don, an ad executive on Madison Avenue who seemingly has it all together. However, we quickly find out he is cheating on his wife Betty with multiple women and drowning his sorrows and the fear of his true identity being revealed, with copious amounts of bourbon and cigarettes. While the character of Don is obviously fictional, it’s a pretty accurate portrayal of what can happen to an individual who does not deal with abuse, loss, grief and the consequences of a major life transition such as surviving a war. In this season’s premiere one of Don’s friends, a doctor even says, “People will do anything to cope with their anxiety.”

So why is a character like Don Draper so intriguing and fascinating when he’s so clearly “messed up”? In my humble opinion it’s because on some level we all wonder what our lives would be like if we just succumbed to our demons and never coped. Ah, but we are much smarter than that. With cutting edge energy-based tools like EFT, we are able to clear said demons and move forward in a full and functional life, one with just a bit less bourbon and hopefully nil in the infidelity column.

EFT has been shown to help war veterans with PTSD, which you can view in this video:

Because it deals so well with the energy disturbances caused by traumatic experience, it is an ideal treatment for PTSD. It is also very easy to learn, so the person dealing with said issues can treat themselves when insights or discomfort arise. There is no need to ‘hold out’ until the next session with a professional.

That being said, I will say that it is a very good idea to work with someone who is well trained in EFT before attempting to do it on your own. For simple issues there is no problem with self treatment but with more complex issues you will want to work with someone who is trained to spot the aspects, specific events and trigger points that create the discomfort and dysfunctional behavior.

This very simple treatment has produced amazing results with issues ranging from, emotional, to behavioral, mental and physical. As creator Gary Craig often says, “try it on everything!” I have taught it to many of my daughter’s friends and now when problems arise, their favorite saying is “Tap that shit out!” And the best part is, that they do. If I’d had tools like EFT in my twenties, life would have been very different, just as it could have been for Don Draper if they had known EFT in the 1960’s.

What would it have been like if Don Draper had known EFT? Well, most certainly we would have had a healthier, more functional guy with less bourbon consumption, no affairs and a happy wife but I’m afraid the trade off would be, that we would not be able to curl up on the sofa on Sunday nights and wait with excited anticipation to see the next scandalous adventure that our flawed but very engaging hero, will have.

The Upheaval of Life Transitions Part II

The two most deadly things you can do when going through the upheaval of a life transition are to isolate and to deny your true feelings. During our ordeal there were many things that my daughter did brilliantly. I’m proud to say that among them were her efforts to seek support and unbridled self permission to express her feelings. “Prayer over pride.” She said as I, in shocked amazement asked if she had really called her grandparents and told them about the test. She was courageous on a level I can only aspire to be. She seemed to instinctively know what she needed in order to cope with the pressure of the wait, and she went after it.

On that note, I have to say, LET’S HEAR IT FOR HUMOR! Erin and I regularly crack each other up and this period was no exception. I think there were moments that our outrageous jokes horrified Casey who is normally very funny, but who pretty much remained in a state of shock through the whole five days. “Gallows Humor” Erin kept saying as another sick joke would find its way across our lips. Her favorite phrase became “Think Negative.” Let it suffice to say that some of the lines we came up with will ‘live in infamy.’ But thank God for laughter, it’s so critical to bolstering your spirits and keeping your vibration high.

So, with the love and support of family and friends and with the tools of Energy Medicine we got through four days with reasonable style. On the fifth day however, my darling daughter hit the wall. I was supposed to call and get the ‘good news’ that everything was ok and then we would have a peaceful drive to LA singing and chatting as we usually do…Not so fast.

I called that morning and was told that the person who could give us the test results wouldn’t be in till noon. I can’t tell you how hard it was to walk into the bedroom and tell my child, who was anxiously waiting with ‘saucer eyes,’ that her torture was not yet over.

Again, I stood in awe of my adult child as she screamed, wailed and shouted her outrage to the heavens. She doesn’t know this but I actually have a process I do with my grieving clients that I call the Grief Rant. During it, I encourage them to do just what she was doing…using her voice and her body to communicate the intensity of the feelings that welled up from the depths of the nightmare she was enduring.

On the drive to LA, I pretty much engaged in supportive listening as my courageous daughter expressed a spectrum of emotions ranging from terror to incredible frustration and outrage.

Upon arriving at her home in West Hollywood I again attempted to make the call to get the results. I have to admit that everything in me wanted to do anything but make that call and only the hope of putting my daughter out of the agony of the unknown, spurred me on.

To my horror, upon making this call, I was now told that the results were in but they couldn’t give them to us over the phone. We would have to drive another 30 minutes to Pasadena and get them in person. That moment was as close as I had come to panic. My daughter who had already been traumatized in that office refused to go and was now sure that the only reason that they wanted her to come in was because it was bad news. She lost it and went into fetal ball sobbing.

At this point I had no choice but to do a Mom version of Cher in Moonstruck, as she slapped Nicholas Cage and said, “Snap out of it!” I, of course, didn’t slap her but I put on the ‘Dad’ hat, looked her dead in the eye and said “We can go in there and we will go in there, because we are not going to allow these people to have power over our lives for one more minute. We will walk in, get our results, and go forward. We will not stay here and endure the torture of not knowing! Let’s go.”

Every parent reading this, I’m sure, will understand the feelings I endured as I held my breath, the way we all, do after a grandstand moment, while we pray that our words have had the desired effect and that the child will now comply. Fortunately, my intention prevailed and my daughter got into the car with me to drive to Pasadena to find out if the day would end in Heaven or Hell. As they would not give us even the smallest clue, we had no idea what awaited us on the other end of this journey.

Fortunately for me a good friend of hers called and she spent most of the drive in a heated release of the pent up feelings from the last five days. This gave me a little time to explore my private terrors and to try to figure out what I would do if it was bad news.

We had been doing our best to stay positive and to ‘tap’ away our fears for the last five days. We had visualized the perfect outcome over and over. But now we were in the moment of truth and in a short while, some stranger would be telling me if my daughter’s life would be a fairy tale or a horror story.

We entered the building and after a short wait that seemed like a life time, we were escorted into a little room to await the results. At this point we couldn’t speak at all, I’m not sure we even breathed, until a nurse entered the room and mercifully said: “We have your results, and they are NEGATIVE!”

We leaped sobbing into each other’s arms and just held each other and cried for a long time. After waiting patiently, the nurse explained many things to us that helped us understand why the ‘False Positive’ had set this horror story into motion.

We walked out of there exhausted and elated. We had our lives back again and it felt so good. Within a half hour we were in our favorite Thai restaurant eating our favorite meal and toasting with a Singha.

It was a grueling five days and we still aren’t totally sure why we had to go through it, but much was learned and a lot of growth was had. Most importantly we experienced how critical it is to have love and support when life turns upside down. My friend Chef Lance Roll always says that Love is the ultimate spice. Well, I think I’d like to add, that Love is also the ultimate healing tool.

I’m so grateful that we have so much love. How about you? What got you through when tough life circumstances found their way to your door? Please share it with us in the comments section below. It would be great to help each other in this way.

I’d like to add one last thought. I am clear that life upheavals don’t always end in the happy way that ours did. Many of you reading this have been in life circumstances where the results were not what you had prayed for. I understand…so have we. My former husband and my children’s father, died unexpectedly four years ago. We heard a lot of things we didn’t want to hear and we know the pain of loss first hand. I’m grateful that this time, life gave us a reprieve.

Blessings and love to you all.

The Upheaval of Life Transitions Part I

Usually when I write these pieces it’s because I haven’t practiced what I preach and then one more time I get caught in a difficult human moment that wouldn’t have been so grueling, if I had remembered to use my tools. This time it’s a little different. I recently went through five hellish days that I had no part in creating (if that’s possible), but out of the experience I learned many valuable things. I’d like to share them with you.

Hell went into session when I received a call one day at the office, from a hysterical daughter telling me that she had just had a preliminary test for a serious disease and it had come back POSITIVE. They had taken blood for a more in depth screening but we wouldn’t have those results for FIVE DAYS! While we were fully convinced that my daughter (the pinnacle of health, fitness and responsibility,) could not have contracted such a thing, the irresponsible nurse who administered the test told her unfeelingly, “It’s 97% accurate, so you probably have it.”

It was pretty much a blur in the immediate moments after I received Erin’s call. The initial questions came flying at me “How is this possible?”, “Why is this happening to us?”, “This has to be a mistake, right?”

There was a quick conversation with Dr. Andrea Cole, the brilliant doctor and dear friend that I work with. She helped me understand what was going on and got me grounded enough to jump in the car and drive to Los Angeles to be with Erin, with some semblance of sanity on board.

When my son got the news, he jumped in his car as well and a tearful drive to Los Angeles began for both of us. Fortunately we communicated with each other and were able to rendezvous in San Clemente and drive the remaining distance together.

My challenge was how to set my fears aside and be a calming, uplifting influence for both of my children. I spoke with friends on the journey that were a godsend. They gave me information from the internet, support and assurances that all would be well.

It had not yet hit me that we were in the early moments of grief: scared, devastated, confused, tearful, and filled with dread. There were a myriad of other emotions that presented themselves in those first moments, as well as a host of others that would reveal themselves over the course of the next five days. I have always called this the “roller coaster” of grief and now, here I was, an unwilling passenger on a ride I had no desire to take.

When we arrived at my daughter’s home, we found her sobbing in bed. My son sat down on one side of her and I snuggled in on the other and for just a moment, I had a fleeting awareness of another aspect of grief…the importance of the support of loved ones. We just held each other and agonized through the feelings that were all that seemed to exist at that point. Logical thought was a kind of distant memory from some life that no longer existed. And so we just snuggled and cried. In retrospect, I highly recommend this. The comfort of human touch and of knowing someone hears you and feels your pain is immeasurable.

Anyone who knows me knows that I can only stay in that place for so long and then it’s time to get out the tools and start working on feeling better. My children have been tolerating this behavior in me for many years, so I am sure it was no surprise to them when I started expressing my feelings verbally and encouraging them to do the same.  Before you know it, we were Tapping, Visualizing, Setting Intentions and even making jokes. This kind of self-care and energy management is critical when life upheaval is at hand. Otherwise you can stay in ‘fetal ball’ for days.

Were we out of the woods?…hell no! Remember, I said it was five days of hell. This was day ONE!

As I am clearly aware that you don’t have five days to read this piece, I will pause in my story and continue in the next blog. I will say, so as not to worry any loved ones who may be reading this, that Erin is in fact fine and the blood work came back all clear, but I do want to go into details of how we got through the experience in part two next week.

In the interim, let me suggest that you savor every peaceful, beautiful, loving moment that you get to have. Smile as much as possible. Call people you love and do kind things for yourself as well as others.

Life, by its very nature, is unpredictable. Savor the good parts to strengthen yourself for the rough ones. Thank you for taking your time to read my words. I am so grateful that you are in my life.

Video: Life Transitions

Spring Cleaning Q&A Part II

Q: I keep thinking about my last boyfriend and can’t seem to get him out of my mind. Is there anything I can do on an energetic level to help myself?

A:  Absolutely! Right in alignment with Spring Cleaning is the process of disconnecting or cutting the Energy Cords that can evolve between you and another person. There is a whole chapter in my book Chakras, The Magnificent Seven, that deals with this subject but I will try to give you the Cliff Notes version.

When someone impacts us in an intimate, vulnerable, powerful way, we develop etheric connections or cords that keep us connected to that person energetically. They connect between chakras and they provide and energy exchange that allow us to siphon energy from the person we are connected to, or them from us.

Sometimes, when a break of some kind has occurred in a relationship, one of the first things we notice is that we feel tired or drained. Perhaps our thinking is blurred or we can’t get out of the obsessive loop of thoughts about that person. One of the reasons that this may be happening is energetic cord connection.

While some cords develop naturally, like those between mother and child, and those between new lovers, they are designed to fall away easily when the relationship matures. In general, it is not a good thing to be corded to someone because it allows leakage or drainage of your energy to the other person.

There are many ways to cut or remove the energetic cords which I describe in detail in the book. But generally speaking, you need to ‘intend’ for the cord to be disconnected and you need to take a clear action (usually through visualization and action) to remove it. This can involve cutting, twisting, or burning the cord, in order to rid the body of this connection.

The following is one of my Favorite ways to remove a cord and take a powerful stand with the person who you share the cord with.

‘See yourself in a place where you feel powerful, see the other person, look them in the eyes and in some way communicate to them why you are doing what you are doing. (In the book I suggest you explain to this to them silently or out loud and then speak the words: “I remove these cords to free myself and to free you. I take back my light and I take back my power. Any light or power I have taken from you, I give back to you now with love.”)

After speaking these words either twist and remove the cord, cut it yourself or invoke Divine assistance with cutting the cord. This is powerful work with palpable results. You will notice a different feeling once this has been done.

Once the cord is removed from you, allow it to float to the other person so that they can do with it what they will. I like to do this in a loving way, but if you have had an abusive or adversarial relationship with someone and it feels good to you to be more accretive or clear-cut, then honor what you need and cut the cord in that way.

The final step is to visualize yourself placing your hands over the opening where the cord was and healing/sealing it with white light flowing from your palm chakras. That’s it. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Feel free to be creative and intuit the best method for you to use. It may involve art or some physical act. Follow your instincts. There is no right or wrong way to do this.

Is there someone in your life that you feel uncomfortably connected to? Is there someone you just can’t stop thinking about? You may just be corded and need to consciously disconnect or cut those cords to free up your energy, your mind and your heart.

Let me know if any of these feeling are ones you can relate to and I’d also love to hear how it goes if you decide to remove those energetic cords. It’s best to have a little help on the first go round but if that help isn’t available, don’t let that stop you. Follow the instructions I have given you, set your intention, protect yourself and cut away. It’s so freeing and energizing.

If you should decide that you would like my help, I, of course, would love to help you through a phone or office session. Just call and we can arrange it.

Best of luck to you, let me hear how it goes!

Q:  Hi Paula,

We met many New Moons ago at the Goddess Gathering you had in South Pasadena and then again at a women’s gathering in Montrose. You autographed a Chakra book for my mom and a friend as well. I have subscribed to your blog and see you are as wonderful and heartfelt as ever. Thank you. 

I really enjoyed your video of the Heart and Hand Breath for pets, loved the sweet little dog, is it your friend? We have adopted two shelter cats, Danielle and Golly. Golly is older with a few health issues we are working on and I believe I have calmed him somewhat with your technique from the video. He is not feeling well and I am trying to help him thru some visualization. I was bathing him in white light tonight and it seemed to help, do you think that’s the best route? I can’t always reach his chest and eye area as I bug him and he wanders off!! (lol) Please let me know if you have any suggestions or resources, I’d really appreciate it. 

 

A: Thanks for the question and kind words! I hope your mom and friend are doing well.  I love to hear from people who are using the work and getting results. Even if the results aren’t perfect I encourage everyone to try it and feel free to contact me for advise as you did.

Pets are the most receptive to energy work because they are so pure and uncomplicated. If you have any trouble actually doing a process on the animal, either put them in your lap and then do the process on yourself or hold them in your consciousness and then do it to yourself. You will be amazed at what good results you can get quite easily.

I am delighted to have you aboard. Thank you for contacting me. Let me know how it goes!

The Head and Hand Breath for Pets

Energize This Holiday

Pearls From Paula

It’s one of the biggest challenges amongst humans. Staying present and not worry about the future. Today, make a conscious effort to stay in the moment.

-Paula

A Poem

I am very blessed to get to do work that allows me to assist others in making meaningful change in their lives. Often, a beautiful and truly deep bond develops between my clients and me. One of my clients writes beautiful poetry and she wrote me a lovely poem as a thank you. She has given me permission to share it with you. We have been talking a lot about Gratitude lately. I must say that I was extremely grateful to receive this incredible tribute to what she believes to be my ability as a healer. I share it with you now in modesty and gratitude.

Spirited Enlightenment

Paula

She is of the Spirit World

Perhaps caught between

This one and the others

Here to deliver us

From ourselves.

 

She is our Mother

Our sister

And all women

She enfolds us

 

She is an other

Worldly presence

Shimmering, airy, soft

Like a summer breeze

 

Yet she is as strong

As a sorcerer…Morgana

She opens your heart

Inexplicably and sets you free

 

Thank you Roz, and my gratitude to all of you, who have allowed me into your lives in some way. I am honored and grateful and humbled.

On Lonliness

Loneliness is an interesting subject. What is it really? Sometimes there is nothing more appealing than a chunk of alone time and other times it seems like an unnatural torture brought about by the forces of evil. What is it that makes the difference? What is it that transforms dream state into nightmare time?

Hate to say it one more time, but it seems to be us. Coming home and being alone is a neutral experience. For one person it is a big sigh and for another it is a torture chamber. It is the attitude of the person that makes the difference.

My daughter and I have been talking about this a lot lately as she has recently ended a relationship and for the first time in several years, she is now living without the significant person that filled her nights and days in a very important way.

She is ready to write a book entitled “Being Single Sucks!” I, on the other hand am totally clear that nothing is more horrible than being in a relationship with the wrong person. I would way rather be alone, than be trying to tell myself that something so wrong is so right, while I am expending one more ounce of energy  trying to ‘keep the beast at bay.’

So what is my point? Loneliness isn’t a state of condition, it’s a state of mind. When we know that we have chosen the alone state, either for integrity’s sake, for growth, for peace of mind or whatever else you might have desired; you need to remember that you created the current condition. You choose it and it really happened with your permission. If this is the case, then why not just reap all of the growth from the situation rather than going into victim and whining ad nauseam.

If you are suddenly alone there could be several reasons and potential outcomes for this state.

1. You are now able to learn new things about your strength and capabilities.
2. You are now able to give to yourself, nurture yourself and love yourself.
3. You are being given time to work on growth and a very important life issue.
4. You have time for introspection and growth.

Other reasons certainly exist and if you take a quiet moment and think it through, you’ll start to get in touch with them.

What is the ultimate difference between the possible dream state and the potential nightmare of alone time? I think it boils down to where your head is and how you spend the time. Obviously, even in this age of technology, there is only so much we can experience when we are totally alone.  Physical contact is limited, and having a listening ear from a significant someone, is definitely impaired. So what is the good news? What is the upshot of this info?

Simple: We learn to lean on ourselves. We learn about our own capabilities. We lose our dependence on the opinions and values of others. We have the opportunity to really see who we are, what we think and what we are capable of doing.

If life has tossed you the ‘alone time raft’ then take it and make it beautiful. Think about all of my single mom clients who never have a spare minute alone, who are looking at years of raising children and prioritizing everyone else. If you are lucky enough to get to luxuriate in the tub via candlelight for hours on end, count your blessings, take a deep breath and appreciate what you have, because trust me, this too shall pass.

When life calls on you to be alone, use the time to rise up child, discover who you are. Get into gratitude, make plans with the girls, join the groups you always wanted to join and suck the juices out of the opportunity.

Do we learn more when we are in relationship with someone else? Is being a couple a greater learning platform than being single? I don’t know. I think maybe we don’t learn more…we just learn different.

Bottom line: Whatever life deals you; know that it is for your growth and highest good. You helped orchestrate it and you will grow from it. Yes, I know sometimes the only thing you can honestly exclaim is “Growing Sucks!” I have uttered the words myself; but ultimately even life’s worst experiences are for our good and our growth. Even though sometimes it’s tough, isn’t that why we came to planet earth. We’re all in this soup together!